I got home later than I anticipated. Lizzy and I had a quick lunch after shopping. I had a bag and belly full of goodies courtesy of my friend. She was so selfless and giving that it was hard to stay gloomy around her.
I cut out my pity party of being broke and relaxed to have a great time with my girl, after all I need the break!
I had barely entered the house when I heard the gate open. The kids were back from school, the bus had just dropped them off. The new arrangement we made for them to join the bus back home suited me better and since my car was off the road their dad dropped them in the morning on his way to work.
“Mummy good afternoon” they chorused. As tough as mother hood is, it is the most rewarding job ever, the joy they brought to my heart can never be quantified.
“Hi darlings! How was school today? “
My question let out a string of complaints and reports about their day in school.
Four children was a lot to handle and I often felt overwhelmed especially since my last help left. I was yet to find a replacement but somehow I got by. My son Nathan had recently turned 10 and will be off to boarding school in September.
I had a lot to attend to and got down to it immediately.
I was expecting William home anytime from 6 but it’s past 9 and he hasn’t shown up. I don’t really understand my husband these days sometimes he gets me suspicious especially when he keeps mute about his activities.
I’m sitting in front of the TV, watching but not seeing, the kids have gone to bed and I am lost in thoughts. For the umpteenth time I wonder where Willie went to. I called him at about 8 and he told me he would be back soon. 
My husband recently started hanging out with some group of friends who I don’t really like. Their thirst for alcohol and night life didn’t sit well with me at all.
Slowly but surely Willie was getting sucked up in their world. It all started when they started playing golf together then they would hang out afterwards. Golf was supposed to be twice a week but it now appeared like an everyday thing.
I know things have been tough for him and running the clinic hasn’t been easy especially with the recession our nation was facing.
Patients can barely pay their bills and he doesn’t like to turn them down. UPTH has been on strike for a while now so nothing was coming from that end. I need to do something to support him and help myself, sometimes it’s like I’m loosing my mind from worry and being broke.
I’m tired of depending on him for everything. I really can’t believe that I have degenerated to this level. I, Belema of before that never had money issues? I need to do something but the big question is what? My self esteem diminishes every time I am in this mood and I must come out of this depression and away from this spot for good.
The only time I’m happy nowadays is when I’m in church or at the gym.
I can hear William at the gate…..

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