Diary of a Port Harcourt Housewife

Some days I feel trapped. Trapped within my body, trapped within my marriage. Somewhere inside of me is a slimmer happier version of myself, a happy go lucky girl who is happily married. 

Am not unhappy per say, William is a good person just that of late he complains way too much and is becoming a “nagging husband”. Intimacy and romance is almost like Christmas, the irony is we have regular sex but its boring and lacks intimacy. I long for more, I miss the days when we were so much into each other. Last night however was AMAZING! I mean really amazing! I was in the mood because I took a step back to appreciate my Efik prince. Marriage is about acceptance so I am accepting him the way he is. Especially because of the fact that he is much better than men like Ade! 

Ade… hmmmm… what were the odds that I would run into Lizzy’s husband! Now I see more clearly why she often said her marriage was a scam! He was an unrepentant womaniser! OK, so Lizzy and I were friends but I had never met her husband. We worshipped in the same church and became friends after we sat together during a Sunday service. She was pretty, fair in complexioned with a gap toothed smile. I noticed she had a lovely voice as we sang and danced through the praise worship session. 

I couldn’t help but compliment, I had an ear for music. 

“You should be in the choir” I told her.  She smiled and responded “you too”. We both started laughing. To which she further said, 

“I will join, make my baby grow small”. 

She had a daughter who was almost Mimi’s age, mum and daughter were a charming pair. We became friends after that day, she was open, honest and down to earth. Before long, she started visiting me at home now and again, we live not to far from the church so she often came earlier on service days to spend time with her children. The children got along well with my children her two older ones were away in boarding school in Ekiti State, she had 4 children all together. 

One morning Lizzy showed up with a black eye. I didn’t notice immediately because she carefully concealed it with makeup and she was wearing her glasses.  

Then she said, “you no see my eye? ” 

Lizzy was from Delta and was highly educated but loved speaking pigin English. 

“Wetin happen?” I asked.

“It’s Ade, I walked in on him discussing with his girlfriend on phone. He didn’t even have the decency to end the call, he carried on like I wasn’t even there. When the call ended, I asked him who he was talking to and he got all defensive and flared up. He slapped me when I told him he was a shameless he goat.” 

She paused to open her designer hand bag. “This morning he gave me this”. In her hand was a cheque of 250k!  “Another designer bag for me” she said with a sad smile. 

I felt sad for her, I wanted to scream at her, this isn’t a life. But this was my friend’s reality, married to a violent philandering man whom she said she couldn’t live without. I have done my best to talk to her, 

“Girl, your life is precious, don’t let this man kill you”. 

The answer was always the same,

“all die na die, slap no dey kill person. Where I wan take see all these designer clothes, shoes and bags, plus trips abroad as often as I want?”

As far as she was concerned, the luxury and comfort was adequate compensation for the slaps she got. Hmmm….marriage is about acceptance but some things were just not worth it. Perhaps she was forced to accept it when she permitted it in the 1st place. I Belema, would never accept domestic violence in any shape or form. I thought I had marriage challenges but mine was child’s play compared to what Lizzy had to suffer. 

I still laugh when I remember the ride home in Ade’s car. Ade the handsome devil married to my friend Lizzy, the man is fine sha! Even Lizzy admitted that his handsome looks follow hold her for work. A gorgeous man that’s loaded was every girl’s dream…..

Dear Diary, someone is at the door… I will be back…


Ibiwari Perrin-Oglafa is a former banker based in Port Harcourt. She is a writer who is passionate about relationships. She runs a Facebook page called Unmasking Relationships, it is an online blog where real life issues pertaining to life, love, relationships and marriage are discussed.
She is MD/CEO of Intimate Spices, a shop which offers products and counselling services to married couples to enhance and improve intimacy and their sexual experience.She is a wife and mother of 3.

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