Diary of a Broken Heart – Part 1

I sit here, my heart shattered into a million pieces, torn from wondering, will I ever be able to move on.
The thoughts in my head spiraling, as the tears from my eyes run down my face, slowly.
Not knowing which one was worse, my “friends” betrayal or who I thought could be the only thing keeping me happy breaking my heart.
Tears still flowing from my eyes, as the thought of never thinking about someone, I can’t stop thinking about.
Pain I can feel all the way to my stomach, pain where I can feel my heart breaking into those pieces.
Pain that makes me question my God who loves me.
Pain that opens every single burden from the past.
The one pain that just isn’t mental that is somehow physical, the one we call Heartbreak.
Pain that no material or object can heal, expensive or not.
Pain where no coping skill can fix, or meditation can stop.
Ever liked someone so much that even if you weren’t together officially, you thought you two had something?
Ever had to imagine or see your life without the person, that it crushes your soul?
Has it ever killed you knowing that he or she doesn’t even care, and could honestly care less if your hurting?
Knowing that their life still goes on while you cry.
Ever had to confide in friends because you don’t want your family to know your not as strong as they thought?
But they don’t even listen.
Ever had to question the way the Lord himself made you, to compare it to another person?
But that person you called a “friend”.
Ever felt so low, that even the slightest of happiness doesn’t even make you happy, or the one thing you’ve wanted your whole life doesn’t even make you happy?
Ever thought that you weren’t enough?
That you were the reason?.
Ever slept the whole day away because you’d rather not wake up, or be in another world than yours today?.
Has it ever occurred to you that even though your smart as it gets, this just isn’t an equation you can undo?
Has it ever occurred to you that even though your as pretty as it gets, no makeup on earth can restore your confidence?
Because you’ll always look at the person you called a “friend”.
Has it ever occurred to you that even though your body is as good as it gets, no piece of it shown would probably turn his head and make him regret what he has done?
Has it ever occurred to you that changing you, wouldn’t even work?
Because it wasn’t meant to be.