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Thursday, October 6, 2022
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The Diary of a Middle Aged Woman – Finding Myself

Dear Diary, as I listened to the lyrics of the song I find myself swept away by its intrinsic meanings…. Oludumare…. I felt wooed in the most attractive way…my heart was melting already.

Am I worth these words abi this is just a means to an end? From seat out yesterday to music this morning I have been wooed in the subtlest yet an undeniably strong way…. Who is this man? He’s got skills I must say.

You see, I have been separated for six years, in all that time I have lived a very private life, locking away my desires, fears and expectations. Yes, there have been admirers now and then but none have come on as strong as this my new found friend within such a short time using few words.

So this fine Saturday morning, alone in a hotel away from home, away from my domestic worries and business challenges, listening to the words of Kool and the Gang’s Fresh I mused on how life had deprived me of the happiness that comes from been appreciated by a man. `

Why has love eluded me? Dear Diary, is love real? What does it consist of? What did I do wrong in my marriage? I thought that was love, everything seemed nice while we were courting, but immediately we got home after our wedding reception trouble started with my mother in law insisting that she must go back with half of my wedding gifts …. If I had agreed with my in-laws perhaps my marriage experience would have been different, Dear Diary what do you think?

The idea had sounded too absurd to me at that time, especially when Philip took sides with her, I was just overwhelmed…. hmmmm story for another day dear diary.

I think love has failed me, I am not in search of her, not at my age btw, so why won’t these stomach butterflies leave me alone.

Philip and I brought ourselves to detangle after ten years of arguments, lol, we hardly could agree on anything, we looked picture perfect but our union was very soul wrenching in reality, we couldn’t be referred to as lovebirds though we so looked the part, for ten years I tried everything in and out of the book to make my marriage worth the effort, his cases of infidelity was mind blowing, domestic staff, relations, even the most bizarre case of our neighbor in the estate, married woman o, every day he had one explanation to make, that was the only time you could find his calm version, he was always entangled with one female or the other, and, btw, when caught he makes no effort to deny, hahahahaha, you will hear explanations like, it was just the tip, or it is you I really feel for, or it is because I do not get enough from you, I never knew men from Edo had such a high libido. one good day alone in the house without the clutter and chatter of a young family I finally spoke to myself and faced my truth.

Na so I jejely strolled out of the marriage in spirit and in truth resigned to be married to Jesus and now one of his sons is causing wetness in my down below.

But , come o, the man has not said anything to me o…..could this be conji of the heart?

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